I had some delicious crackers the other day. Really tasty. They were made by a company with fairly obtuse design and packaging strategy, random quotes from the bible on it, some history of the Armenian people and some claims about the life sustaining properties of crackers. There was also some stuff about how god only wants people to eat the whole endosperm of wheat, so you shouldn't eat white flour. I happened to notice that there was also a big cholesterol free claim on the side of the box, but one of the bursts on the front said "made with dairy butter." So I figured it would be a good idea to start up with them, and I wrote them a letter. I would tell you who they are but I don't want them googling this site and then tracking me down and killing me. Although I can draw you a picture and you can figure out the name from that. And I highly recommend you try their product.

About two weeks later, while I was at work, my honey got a phone call, which lasted 54 minutes, and covered everything from the cost of butane to toxic waste, with a healthy dose of anti government talk. She didn't get to do much talking. It was mostly the salesman from the cracker company, freestyling a monologue. Unfortunately, in terms of creepy factors, I hadn't included my phone number in the letter, which means they had taken the time to look up the number in the directory. On the upside, I can tell you that their customer service is as good as their crackers, at least they personally call and answer your letters.

And if you had any worries about how fresh dairy butter could be an ingredient without adding cholesterol, it is because, as it was explained, the butter is only there for flavor. To which I say, oh.

Speaking of customer service, here's a red hot tip for you. Bed Bath and Beyond are incredibly nice and helpful, whereas Williams Sonoma is terrible. Never go to Williams Sonoma. They are incompetent and have terrible customer relations policies. Bad Williams Sonoma. Bad bad bad/ Tell a friend. Don't shop there. Besides, you can get everything they sell elsewhere for less. Plus, worst of all, they fail the fundamental test with which I view the world, in that they are not who they are. Meaning, at least Bed Bath and Beyond is a big retailer with a bunch of choices, mostly cheap. Williams Sonoma pretends to be some kind of retro, baby boomer upscale place that sells nutmeg shavers for 150 dollars but when you look around, you realize all the brands they sell, like Wusthoff, Sabatier, Cephalon and so forth, are all available everywhere. Not a fan.