Normally, while I am a fan of law and order and all that, I'm kind of opposed to snitching, just as a general policy against rats. But anyone will tell you that the quickest way to unmake a liberal is to rob him. And having been robbed, when I saw a dirty vagrant hovering around my place of work, plainly skulking and up to no good, and then I saw a cop car with two cops clearly looking for someone, and then I saw the skulker try and walk down the ramp that leads to the parking garage but requires an id badge to get past, I went over and volunteered the info to the cops. Instead of pinning a medal on my chest and collaring the perp, they were like

cops: "Yeah, we're looking for someone. What's he look like?"

me: "He's a caucasian man, about six foot, 160 pounds, blonde scraggly shoulder length hair, light top, carrying a bag".

cops: "what color is his jaket?"

me: "I think its light tan, or something, maybe over a t shirt".

cops: "yeah, sorry, our guy is wearing a gray top."

me: "really? I'm not actually HIS PERSONAL STYLIST. What I'm trying to say is that while I noticed his murderous skulking, and generally got a sense of how dirty and criminal he was, I didn't take the time to access whether it was exactly A GRAY TOP. "

cops: "thanks. keep your eyes open."

me: "So that's it? I mean, He is the only guy hiding from the cops thirty feet from here that I noticed in the last ten minutes. I didn't take the time to access whether there was contrast whip stictching on the placket of his collar, but that doesn't, to my mind, rule him out as an openly suspicious character. You did hear the part I said about how he's HIDING BEHIND A POLE OVER THERE?"

Needless to say, the cops just ignored me and I left.

I'm thinking of getting a baseball bat. Not to play baseball with, of course, but to carry around and hit people's heads with. Lately I've been walking home, and more than usual, there are all kinds of vagrants pissing against walls, or injecting drugs etc. and I've been kind of feeling vulnerable. Last night some guy walked with me for about two blocks, trying to cage a donation, telling me about how he was just trying to stay out of prison and earn an honest living. I presume by donation he meant a kind of mugging, in slow motion. So I walked to a crowded well lit place and lost him. Right at the end of our time together, he was back slapping me with his big scratchy fingernails. I know I shouldn't engage people but sometimes it's hard to avoid, unless you are carrying a bat.

I also saw Ryan Seacrest, the television host of American Idol, taping a segment in San Francisco. It would have been a little uncalled for to bash him, of course, but I do resent his genial good looks and smooth way with people. Plus I'm sure it would have gotten a lot of mileage on national tv, not that I need to be famous as a bat wielding violence enthusiast. Anyway, I passed about ten feet from him, where he was taping with a small crew. Sort of surprisingly there was no one really watching or paying much attention, which I guess is a reflection of either his lack of fame appeal, or that people don't pay much attention in general or something. But the point is, I need a Louisville Slugger. And in case you are worried about the law, you need to prove malice to form intent to make it a crime, otherwise known as malicious aforethought. And I sure don't have any of that kind of thoughts.