I am making progess in my international civet farming coffee venture because at last I found someone foolish enough to agree to follow around civets in Viet Nam. Civets, as everyone knows, are a kind of jungle cat, of the mountain lion variety, who will gladly rip your face clean off without a moment's hesitation. They also produce a distinctive musky oil in their nether regions. In Indonesia, people follow them around and pick out the coffee beans from their poopy, because they can then bag it up and sell it to Whole Foods for 300 dollars a pound, supposedly the best coffee on earth, called Kopi Luwak and for some other reason civets like to eat raw coffee off the bushes, but they don't digest it all the way through, they only soften up the shell of the bean.

So I hear civets live in Viet Nam as well. And I get to thinking: If only I could send over my welders gloves and a pair of goggles to somebody willing to wrestle a few civets into a cage, who could then feed them coffee beans, I could soon be the emperor of coffee.

And I found such a somebody. Only slight hitch is that apparently other people got this idea too, and now in Viet Nam you can buy this coffee for ten dollars a pound, which is the same as any old premium coffee bean sells for here. So I could theoretically skip the welders gloves and just buy the coffee, but that would leave my soft headed compatriot out in the cold. So I figure the least I can do is get him the gloves, let him feed the civets and do his best not to get his face eaten off, and that way he'll be busy and happy.